Queer Cheese

Recently we made an Alsatian tart with quark. No, it was’t filled with the subatomic constituents of protons and neutrons. But, then again, I suppose it was. This version of quark is a fresh cheese from central Europe.

Then, as luck would have it, a magazine arrived a few days ago with instructions for making quark from scratch. We felt we had to try it.

The recipe is pretty straightforward. Heat up some whole milk and add some buttermilk when it cools a bit. Let it stands a while, you’ve got quark!

Unfortunately it didn’t work that way for us. Once the required waiting was through we just had a pot of slightly stinky dairy liquid. We didn’t know what went wrong, but suspect the buttermilk culture wasn’t alive. Figuring we had nothing to lose at this point we started again with the heating step and the same liquid, this time putting in some kefir which was practically indistinguishable from the buttermilk. Again, no thickening or curdling.

At this point I took a wild guess that there just wasn’t enough acid and proposed we run our much-abused dairy mess through the foolproof method of making paneer. We warmed the stuff again, stirred in a bit of lemon juice, and in seconds had curds. We poured them into a strainer lined with my super secret substitute for cheesecloth (thoroughly washed sheer curtain panels from a thrift store) gave them a quick rinse with cold water, and wrapped and weighted them to drain.

This morning I unwrapped the creamy, mild cheese and declared it adequate. Not quite quark, not quite paneer, ladies and gentlemen, I give you queer.


The co-conspirator thinks it would be fine spread on a bagel or crackers. It needs salt. I may try mixing some herbs into it.

Have you had a kitchen failure you kept hammering at until you got something decent? Please share it with a story or link in the comments.

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